It really is ok to be a mess

No, really, it is.

You don’t have to keep hiding it, compensating for it, and telling everyone just a little too emphatically how you’re “hanging in there” and “workin’ on it!”

It’s okay to be F.I.N.E.

You don’t have to be concerned about burdening us, imposing on us, or bringing us down. If anything, it’s reassuring to be reminded that we’re not the only ones struggling and that we can get better together. The truth is that trying to get better alone is a mind f@ck and it is horribly lonely.

Me and me aren’t very good company for more than a few hours of solitude. The more I use the Keep It Simple System (K.I.S.S.)  I not only know that I thrive in good company, I actually show up and maintain connection with people who believe in me, encourage me, and reassure me.

It’s okay to just focus on becoming a healthier version of yourself. You don’t need to make up for lost time. You don’t need to endlessly strive. You don’t need to compete with anyone, compare yourself to anyone, or feel bad about where you are and where you should be

It’s okay to have clarity and to use it to stop shaming yourself. Those folks we compare ourselves to who appear to have it all together? They don’t. They’re scared too. They hurt too. Some of them are especially good at hiding their true selves, but we’re all – each and every one of us, (and this is the thing that nobody tells you):

Scared.

It’s okay to be a mess. It’s okay to fall apart and choose which pieces to put back together and which to let go of. It’s okay that you’re afraid you might not be able to put yourself back together. You can, you just need to allow some good people to help you with that.

It’s okay to be angry and to say so. Too many of us are afraid of anger, afraid we’ll lash out, and so we redirect everything at ourselves and stuff our real feelings.

It’s okay to have needs. It doesn’t mean you’re needy. It means you’re human.

It’s okay to relax. It’s okay to be a human being and not a human doer. Productivity is overrated. You have worth in who you are, not just what you do.

It’s okay to dream and to have things to look forward to. It helps not to take ourselves so damned seriously and to lighten up.

It’s okay to let go. We cling most tightly to the things we want least. We hold past pain and resentment because they feel like a part of us that needs to be there because they’ve always been there.

It’s okay to forgive yourself. Holding grudges against yourself is usually an unhealthy way of ensuring you don’t repeat past mistakes.

It’s okay to trust yourself and to use every skill you have for your own benefit. Follow your intuition and see if you can find the connection between what you know instinctually and what you know spiritually.

It’s okay that you’re afraid of being hurt. It’s also okay to let people close to you if you listen to your instincts about who is real and safe and who is not.

It’s okay to be kind to yourself and to expect kindness from others. It’s okay to remove people from your life who are not kind.

It’s okay to be a work in progress. In fact, it’s pretty damned liberating.

Jim LaPierre

About Jim LaPierre

Jim LaPierre LCSW CCS is the Executive Director of Higher Ground Services in Brewer, Maine. He is a Recovery Ally, mental health therapist and addictions counselor. He specializes in facilitating recovery (whether from addiction, trauma, depression, anxiety, or past abuse) overcome obstacles, and improve their quality of life. Jim offers a limited amount of online therapy to those with very flexible schedules.