The Most Important Part of Healing

Misfits like me tend to show great empathy to others but lack compassion for ourselves. I’ve learned that you cannot show kindness to the person you ignore, berate, or constantly demand more from. Misfits get stuck between the teachings of our childhoods and recognition that the people who taught us those things were sick and […]

How Broken People Love

(We’re not broken. We just see ourselves as such) I stay focused on who I am to you because who I am to me is something I don’t see I’m invisible unless I’m shaming or destroying me It’s easy to love – you because you are beautiful even so, this is where we disagree you […]

The Best Way To Reduce Addiction

…is to stop it before it starts. That needs to become more than a nice idea… A couple years ago I wrote about being accosted in a bagel shop by a cynic who wanted to debate whether there was hope for curbing addiction. He asked me what I thought anyone could possibly do? Without thinking […]

Three Steps to Stop Being a Doormat

I joke sometimes that I need a yardstick for my office. I’d only ever use it to prop up the chins of folks who are ashamed to talk about themselves and what their lives have become. She’s returned to therapy but cannot bring herself to face me. “You told me years ago that this is […]

The #@&!!& Things We do for Love

I’m spending my weekend in a cabin at Shin Pond. This would only seem remarkable if you know me personally. Those who do are laughing to hear this news because they understand that I have strong affinity for the great INdoors. I have nothing against Aroostook County (truly great people) or against those who inexplicably […]

The Worst Part of Addiction

Most of us have heard the story of the two wolves: An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, […]

Top Five Ways to Wreck Your Recovery

The two greatest concerns that I have for folks in early recovery are the tendency to struggle alone (reinventing the wheel while scared shitless) and self sabotage (shooting ourselves in the foot is the quickest and easiest way to regain a sense of control). If we are willing to be supported and advised, we are […]