Recovery: Surrender to Win

I talk with folks all the time who conceptualize recovery as an ongoing battle. Depending on your perspective it may sound sexy to be in a fight for your life every day. To me it just sounds exhausting. Those I’ve known with the most success say, “Surrender to win.” Recovery is a progression of letting […]

Just For Today I Don’t Have to Drink

A dear friend of mine has been an addictions counselor for decades. She shared a story with me about a particularly difficult case involving a man who was quickly approaching late stage alcoholism. Nothing seemed to work for him. Detoxes, rehabs, IOPs and every established intervention professionals used had been of little value. He came […]

I’m not on Your Level

I hate it when people hold me at arm’s length. I get it, I just hate it. If I’m trying to get close to you, it’s because I see you as someone I admire, respect, and want to know better. If you don’t like me, that’s ok. What drives me nuts is when you tell […]

Understanding Sex & Love Addiction

It’s hard for most folks to conceive of sex addiction as being different from promiscuity or to distinguish love addiction from codependency. This is all the more understandable given that researchers have yet to definitively draw any lines between healthy fulfillment and pathological behavior. Addiction becomes evident when patterns are perpetuated despite unwanted and painful […]

How to Fix Your Relationship

Timing is everything. We need to get super honest here because far too often, it’s way too late. I’ve joked for years that folks seem to flip a coin; heads we call a couples counselor and tails we call either a moving company or a lawyer. My first and best advice – don’t wait to […]

Why Relationships In Recovery Fail

Recovery has acronyms for everything. Today’s is about relationships in recovery: Really Exciting Love Affair Turns Into Outrageous Nightmare Sobriety Hangs In Peril It’s simple: Infatuation is a better high than most drugs and it’s easy to justify. It just happened! I was in a meeting for all the right reasons. I caught his/her gaze. […]

Denial, Distraction, and Being F.I.N.E.

I’ve always loved the adage, “No matter where you go, there you are.” I’ve learned that I can’t run away from me. I managed for years to flood my life with the needs, wants, and feelings of other people. The goal (though I didn’t realize it at the time) was twofold: – Earn love, worth, […]

Fear is a Four Letter Word

Don’t get ahead of me. I’m not talking about my favorite bit of profanity. It’s the other, “F word.” It’s Fear. Better yet, the two appear in one of my favorite acronyms: F.E.A.R. F@ck Everything And Run – Or – Face Everything And Recover It’s a choice we make to either avoid or invest in […]